Bride
Savannah can't remember to eat lunch, but can beat you at a board game that doesn't matter.
Groom
Matthew's special skills include: being too loud, clearing a room, and petting cats.
Maid of Honor
Mary loves shooting 3s, dunking on suckers, and LYING
Best Man
Garrett has known Matthew for more than thirty years, making him eligible for retirement benefits.
Bridesmaid
Molly is too cool to reply to texts #RIPdonutmols
Groomswoman
As an ASL interpreter, Yvette's hands are actually more valuable than her car.
Bridesmaid
Alexis has a friend in every state and at least 22 countries. If she goes missing, there's actually too many places to look.
Groomsman
Ryan is actually three possums stacked together under a trenchcoat, but please don't tell anybody. It will ruin the plan.
Bridesmaid
Katie doesn't like following directions. It's because of her Aries moon.
Groomsman
Casey only communicates via smoke signals and encrypted notes in a bottle.
Bridesmaid
Abby forced Savannah to live without shrimp for a full year, which is a real testament to their friendship
Groomsman
This is one of the last photos taken before Jon's beard disappeared. No one know's what happened to it. Investigation ongoing.
Bridesman
If you text Donald and he reads your text when he wakes up at 5:30, he’ll probably fall back asleep for 20-45 min. and forget that text existed! He’s doing his best, but your words are now myth to him, bless.
Groomsman
Michael is the only known person to have broken one of Matthew's bones.
Cat of Honor
Tina hates ceiling fans, loves prozac, and wants to fight the crows that hang out outside her window.
Disturber of the Peace
Don't be fooled by the adorable face; Oscar is 8 pounds of pure terror with exceptional knife skills.
Food Supervisor
Yin has over 15 years of food supervision experience. At home, she excels at keeping Sav and Matt on a precise food distribution schedule, making her the best choice for this event.
Official Lifeguard
Yang's lifetime of anxiety has helped him become a vigilant lifeguard. No human has ever drowned in the bathtub or toilet under his watchful eye.