We met on Tinder, like the classiest of couples. Eugene sent an irresistible "Whale, hello there" gif of a whale. Laila responded with a waving Rihanna gif. They set up a date for the next day at Le Diplomate. Laila was extremely late because her parents had stopped by her apartment beforehand and then REFUSED TO LEAVE. During the date, Eugene went through several bread baskets and Laila drank a perfectly healthy, normal amount of coffee. Upon learning that Eugene works at the FCC, Laila, who was in a fight with Comcast over an obscene $5 charge, spent much of the date urging him to destroy its evil, greedy empire. Eugene kept saying he didn't have that power. It was all very romantic. Fast forward over 5 years later, and here we are: married home co-owners — with Verizon.