Wedding Party
Connor Donnell
Best Man
Three time gynecomastia survivor, Connor is a fighter through and through. He is working on his advanced degree in criminal botany at the University of Phoenix online. He will be single at the wedding but it's not for a lack of trying. If you are interested in getting to know this fun loving bachelor, than you better like three things: Switchfoot, Burnt Orange, and his three year old Chuckwalla, Cammie.
Mary Powers
Maid of Honor
Mary Powers is an attorney at law for several large corporations. She has represented all of your favorite businesses such as: Walmart, Shell, Mint Mobil, and Enron! She is driven by a passion to help those that need it. When corrupt citizens that get injured try to blame companies for their silly mistakes, Mary comes in and sets the record straight. She is a firm friend and will always defend you no matter what you did.
Jack Doherty
Groomsman
Decorated Marine, former Olympic Biathlete competitor, and author of Cleaning Your Desert Eagle: An American Ideal. Jack currently lives in Reno Nevada on his ranch where he trains dogs and works on his macramé business. If there was one thing to know about Jack it is that he is always down for Briquette.
Katie King
Bridesmaid
If you are feeling spontaneous after the wedding and want to remember the night forever, then a tattoo is the best route to go. Fortunately for you, we have a tattoo artist on standby, Katie King. This free spirit is artistic at heart and will show that side of herself any way she can. She once hitchhiked her way to Alaska where she lived in an abandoned Bus beside a river where she caught fish and played her banjo. Katie will be the first on the dancefloor May 10th and you already know she has the moves.
Michael Elliott
Groomsman
If Michael looks familiar, that is because you have probably seen him on TV! Michael at one point in his life weighed a staggering 342lbs. Wowza! Inspired by his family, he made the brave decision to sign up for the hit show, Biggest Loser. Believe it or not he got on and quickly became a fan favorite for his passion and drive. After three harrowing months Michael rose to the top and became the season nine winner of the Biggest Loser! Unfortunately Michael did not keep up with his workout and returned to his old habits gaining all the weight back, which is why he looks so poor today.
Claire Overton
Bridesmaid
Cartoons are the thread that unites all of our childhoods no matter what race you are. Claire is one of the many talented voice actors that create the silly voices that make cartoons so enjoyable to watch. She has voiced several characters over the years including: Rachel (from Friends The Animated Series), Pablo (from the backyardigans), as well as foley work for Tom and Jerry. Claire is currently working on a project for a Dr. Sues movie about Hop on Pop. She is silly and fun, and you sure can hear it!
Weston Tenney
Groomsman
Some say that modern art does not take any skill or talent. Those who say that obviously have not seen the master crafts composed by Weston. With no formal training whatsoever, Weston has made a name for himself as a rising star in the modern art world. His studio out of Oakland California is what he calls his orifice of inspiration. There he uses untraditional mediums to paint buildings and craft art that would make you ask, “oh lord, why?” His most recent passion project is a sculpture of John Stamos made out of plastics reclaimed from Dead Sea animals entitled “How Full Can This House Get?” There is a depth to his work that speaks the nature of the artist and makes you wonder, does anyone really get it?
Cassidy Ehrie
Bridesmaid
Florida may be a wonderful place to snorkel and retire, but it has one thing going on that no one likes, reptiles. No one except for Cass. This girl once referred to the everglades and mangrove forests of Florida as the truest home she's ever known. She currently works for a snake and reptile relocation organization called Heroes In Saving Snakes, also known as HISS. She wants to one day open her very own serpentarium where she can sell rare and exciting breeds.
Derek Nelson
Groomsman
Derek can be described with only one word, Hooey! Derek is a professional line dancer and choreographer out of Spoon Arkansas. Although he may have grown up with small town inclinations, he lives large. He has a growing collection of gowns and dresses from various artists and performers. His prized possession is a pair of gym shorts that Adam Sandler wore to the Met.
Abby Vogue
Bridesmaid
If you see this person, please alert the local authorities. Abby is not supposed to be here. She is currently wanted for public indecency and has made several threats against popular TV host Jimmy Kimmel claiming she wants to "Smack that sucker's underbite". If she approaches you, do not try to be a hero. The FBI has advised that when individuals with violent and dangerous nature such as Abby are around that you: Run, Hide, or if given no other option Fight. Please Abby, if you are reading this have mercy on us all.
Brandon Painter
Groomsman
Hailing from the Garden State, this New Jersian is one hell of an economist! Brandon went to several preparatory schools growing up where he developed a passion for the wonderous world of commerce and mathematics. Getting a scholarship to Yale, he spent most of his time impressing his peers and instructors alike with his many principles and theories. He wrote a piece on Interscapular Trading Comities that many scholars consider to have set the foreground for thought on the topic. Ask him about his writings! You will not be disappointed.
Alia Teeguarden
Bridesmaid
Where sky meets sea, Alia grew up in the highlands of Scotland amidst the sprawling castles and lordships of her clan. One night during a viscous storm, she was struck by a strange bolt of light. From that day on she never aged. She has traveled across the ages in search for the answers to all the questions that plague her about why and how she came to be the way she is. Until late she thought she was alone in her circumstances until she discovered that there is in fact another like her. Although this seems like a blessing at first, this Scottish lass soon comes to realize that there can be only one.
TJ Morrison
Groomsman
TJ lives in Austin Texas and is the owner of a workout studio called Power Works Movement Amphitheater. There he teaches several aerobics style classes intended to strengthen all of the underutilized parts of the body such as the calves and spine. His studio is currently viral on TikTok due to his unconventional styles and equipment. His philosophy is that unless the hips are telling the truth, they are lying. And if you are wondering what TJ stands for, it stands for Try Jazzercise!
Madie De La Rosa
Bridesmaid
Okay, picture this. Madie De La Rosa, she's got it all. She's the kind of person who shows up with a vintage, 1920s feathered headpiece, but somehow paired it with a pocket square that’s actually a live parakeet. She's carrying a velvet satchel—what’s inside? No one knows. Maybe confetti, maybe a ferret. At the reception, Madie is eating hors d'oeuvres with chopsticks… but it’s a shrimp cocktail, so the shrimp keeps slipping. At dinner, she's drinking champagne… out of a Mason jar, while simultaneously giving unsolicited tarot card readings to everyone at Table 7. To finish, instead of giving a toast, Madie pulls out a kazoo and plays a mashup of "Ave Maria" and "Papa Was A Rollin' Stone" while Teddy Graham people dance. What are Teddy Graham people? It's that thing where the guy has the stumpy arms but with the belly.
Dustin Wiest
Groomsman
Born in the South East, Dustin spent several years pursuing the age old past time of digging for gold. When he was not deep under the earth drilling for yellow metal, he spent his free time evading taxes, purchasing snakes online, and stealing work trucks for cross country trips. He may seem like a tough guy but he is not afraid to let his tender side show especially when he can see his favorite animal, the North American Black Bear. The last time he saw one, he melted into a puddle. Cute!
Kayla Porter
Bridesmaid
The criminal underbelly erodes the city of Phoenix from within. The politicians are bought by organized crime, and the police have grown complacent. The innocent are taken advantage of by the ever growing mobs of lunatics and gangs alike. When all hope seems lost, there is but one they fear, Kayla Porter. With fist and foot, Kayla patrols the streets at night searching for those she might vanquish in the name of justice. Dawned in cape and cowl, she strikes terror into the hearts of those that worship evil. To all those in need, she will be there. To the crooks of Phoenix, be afraid. Be very afraid.
Nate Barnes
Groomsman
If you are unfamiliar with the sport of slack lining, that is because it is not one that normal people really ever talk about. Nate on the other hand is anything but normal. Hackie sack slinging and tie dye shirt wearing, Nate lives for the line. He has been known to spend up to eight hours a day perfecting his craft. He is ranked as one of the best slack liners in the world and despite the intense competition between the six guys who do it, he is well regarded. He is training for a stunt this upcoming summer to slackline across two buses for Swiss Children. He may walk the line but he is no slacker!
Parker Georlett
Bridesmaid
They say poetry is the part of the soul that likes to rhyme and describe stuff poorly. Parker would say that poetry is her job! Living on the mean streets of Baltimore, Parker is following in the footsteps of her idol, Edgar Allen Poe. She spends her time in the haze of the many jazz and slam poetry clubs that make Maryland so loved. This is an excerpt from her last show that when on for forty minutes. "Never made it as a wise man I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing Tired of living like a blind man I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling"
Lauren Elliott
Bridesmaid
The quad cities has an uptick in petty theft of small items such as watches, trinkets and other shiny sundries. The reason may be a mystery to some, but the answer should be clear, Lauren Elliott. Six years ago, Lauren noticed a baby crow that had fallen from the nest. She took it in and cared for it until it reached adulthood. She set the bird free, but as they say a corvid always pays his debts. The crow alerted the ravens and the jays of the quad cities, telling his story of gratitude toward his wingless friend. Inspired by the compassion of the human, the birds began to stop by on their pilgrimage south at the home of Lauren. There they would leave glistening gifts of metal or glass. Lauren noticed this and repaid the gifts in kind with corn on the windows. The cycle continued until this day where thousands of birds from around the region steal in order to serve their master, The Raven Queen.
Brooklyn Rose
Bridesmaid
Salt, fire, acid, sugar, and MSG are some of the favorite ingredients of world renowned chef Brooklyn Rose. She began her journey as a pastry chef in a small bakery in New Orleans. There she fell in love with the minute details of filo dough and soufflé. She continued her career by seeking out the tutelage of three Michelin star chef Crangis Mic'besquetbol who taught her how to sauté like the pros. Her journey took a tragic turn when she suddenly lost both of her arms in a potato peeling incident. Although things may have been hard, she has not given up on her dream and continues to cook to this day using her remaining limbs and surprisingly dexterous toes. She is even going to prepare the food served on the wedding day. What a treat!
Tiana Weeks
Bridesmaid
FM radio channel 98.7 The Wolf recently ran a trivia question, where callers could try their luck to answer this simple question: In 1801, which Barbary pirate leader declared war on the United States by cutting down the flagpole of the U.S. consulate in Tripoli, triggering the First Barbary War? Tiana Answered boldly "Yusuf Karamanli, the Pasha of Tripoli, declared war on the United States in 1801 by ordering the symbolic cutting down of the flagpole at the U.S. consulate, initiating the First Barbary War." 98.7 The Wolf awarded her with an all expenses day at a winery. Unfortunately the radio station hadn't realized that the winery was booked for May 10th when they planned on awarding Tiana. Fortunately the Bride and Groom were ok with it.