'I have found the one in whom my soul delights.'
Jewish Weddings
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Chuppah (Wedding Canopy) - Pictured above
The ceremony takes place under a chuppah, or wedding canopy, which represents God’s sheltering presence in the lives of the couple, as well as the new home they will build together. The presence of family members under the chuppah, as well as its lack of walls, signify that family and friends will always be welcome in the couple’s home. A tallit (prayer shawl) that has special meaning to the couple can serve as a chuppah, as can a handmade quilt or other covering. Some wedding canopies are not free-standing, requiring four individuals, generally friends or family members of the couple, to hold the poles to which the chuppah is affixed.
During the Ceremony
Signing the Ketubah
Historically, a ketubah (marriage contract) was a legal document that protected the bride’s rights and thus was her possession. Today, the text of ketubot (plural of ketubah) is more contemporary and egalitarian, often expressing the couple’s commitment to care for one another and to create a Jewish home together. Signing the ketubah is one of the oldest Jewish wedding traditions, dating back two thousand years. While only two designated witnesses are required to sign the ketubah, it is common today for the couple, their officiant(s), and sometimes additional witnesses to all sign the ketubah. This often takes place in a separate, more intimate ceremony immediately prior to the wedding ceremony.
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Circling
Among Ashkenazi Jews (those from eastern and central Europe), it is customary for one partner to circle the other seven times before entering the chuppah, alluding to the seven days of creation and as a reminder that marriage is itself a process of creation. In a contemporary update, many heterosexual and LGBTQ+ couples choose to circle each other three times, adding one final circle together. According to one interpretation, the circles represent the repetitive rhythm of Hosea 2:21-22: “And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness, and in justice, and in loving kindness, and in compassion; and I will betroth you to me in faithfulness.”
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Erusin or Kiddushin (Betrothal)
Erusin begins with the traditional blessing over a cup of wine, which is then shared among the couple and their parents. The second blessing sanctifies the couple together in kiddushin, Hebrew for “marriage,” a word derived from the Hebrew word for “holy.” According to Jewish law, the giving and accepting of a valuable item in the presence of witnesses is part of what sanctifies a marriage. Therefore, the couple generally exchange rings as they declare, in Hebrew, “Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring, in accordance with the laws of Moses and Israel.” The rings are solid, without any breaks or stones, signifying the wholeness and union achieved through marriage. In Sephardic ceremonies, a ring, coin, or anything valuable may be used for this part of the ceremony.
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Nissuin (Nuptials)
The second part of the wedding ceremony begins with the Sheva Brachot, or seven benedictions, which are chanted or recited by the officiating clergy or friends of the couple over a second cup of wine. Two cups of wine represent the fact that originally, the betrothal and nuptials were two separate ceremonies with a span of time between them. In the Sephardic community, the same cup used for Erusin is refilled for Nissuin. In both the Ashkenazi and Sephardic communities, the seven blessings give thanks for the fruit of the vine, the creation of the world, the creation of humanity, the perpetuation of life, the continuation of the Jewish community, the joy of marriage, and the couple’s happiness.
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Reading the Ketubah
It is customary for the ketubah, or marriage contract, to be read aloud during the ceremony so that all can bear witness to the commitment the partners have made to one another. Sephardic Jews generally read only a few lines at the beginning and a few lines at the end, not the entire document.
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Breaking the Glass
At the end of the ceremony, it is customary for one, and sometimes both people in the couple, to break a glass. There are many interpretations of this ritual. Some consider it a reminder of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem in the first century, for even at the height of personal joy, we must not forget the tragedies the Jewish and world communities have endured. Others explain that the fragile glass reminds us of the delicate nature of marriage, which must always be cared for and cherished. At the sound of the breaking of the glass, guests traditionally clap and chant “Siman tov” and “mazel tov,” Hebrew phrases that offer congratulations and good luck to the couple.
After the Ceremony
Yichud (Togetherness)
Following the ceremony, the couple may proceed to a private room for yichud, which means “togetherness.” There, they will quietly share the excitement of their first moments together as a married couple. This custom is practiced among Ashkenazi Jews.
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Seudat Mitzvah (The Wedding Feast)
According to Jewish law, wedding guests are commanded to celebrate, to have fun, and to increase the joy of the couple on their wedding day. There’s no more joyful way to do this than with dancing, including the hora, a traditional Jewish circle dance. During this dance, the wedding couple often will be lifted up and carried in chairs around the dance floor as part of the celebration of their marriage.